I have been thinking alot this weekend about the tragedy in So. Cal near Los Angeles, the trainwreck. Those people who have died went to work Friday morning with no idea that they would not be coming home that evening. That could happen to anyone. Things like this always get me to thinking how precious and fleeting this life is.......it makes me want to be aware of every second. Be more aware and not wish my time away. I wish it was Friday, etc. I really try not to do that at work, I try to enjoy what I am doing and do the best I can. I don't really have a career, my career is being a mother and a housewife. Now that my children are all in school, (one is out!) I have gone back to work part time just for my self esteem really. I don't have to work, not for the money. My husband has been lucky and very successful at what he does. I work for me. For the good feelings it gives me to get up and get dressed nicely, put on make up and talk to people, connect with them. I am good at what I do and it makes a difference. I like that and it makes me feel good. I try to be in each moment............... I have a relative who is terminally ill and going to die a horrible death, what they are going through now, I would compare with being buried alive. I rarely talk about it to anyone. I can't. And I guess that really is coloring my world right now too. I am really aware for the first time I think that I am writing my post for me, and not for anyone else. I just need to get it out, out of my soul. I am hurting so much for this person, and for the person who is the caretaker. It makes me want to make sure I live fully and that no moments are wasted. That doesn't mean I can't sit around and watch three movies on TV in row. I think it means that I need to let myself enjoy doing that if that is what I want to do. Usually laying around watching TV makes me feel guilty. I shouldn't do that to myself anymore. If I enjoy it that is enough. This post might sound random and weird, but all the death this week makes me think about alot of things. We are pretty close to Texas (California) and my mother's family is from Texas. Not the gulf area, but still I feel a kind of closeness to these people because I have lived in Texas and 1/2 of my people are from Texas. All these natural disasters happening all over the world. It takes us by suprize in a way, but then some people have predicted such things for years. Even in the Bible.

I almost hope no one reads this, it is so depressing and down. I am not usually that kind of person, I try to at least make everyone else comfortable and think everything is okay. Well, everything is not okay. Really bad things happen. Bad things happen to really good people. The world is a scary and unpredictable place..................at the same time it is wonderful!!!!!! There is so much beauty and joy and kindness too. As I go to sleep tonight I will try to focus on that and be better tommorrow.

T.